alive.

It's three p.m. on Easter Sunday, and I've spent the morning doing my best to reflect on the incredible meaning behind this holiday, as well as trying to feel the adequate amount of joy I should be feeling.
This day is arguably the most important to Christians around the world, and it should probably be the one in which we feel the most hope, and the incredible promise that comes out of it.

"In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!"
Luke 24:5-6a

In an effort to maintain my honesty, I will admit that I have been having a hard time rejoicing today. This is frustrating and guilt-inducing, especially since I can't quite pinpoint why. I should be able to put aside my physical and mental struggles for one day, in order to celebrate the most momentous day in history, right? 

I read through all four gospel accounts of the resurrection, truly trying to see the magnificence of it all. 

I put on the Christian music that I usually avoid, hoping that some sort of holiness would penetrate my brain.

I asked God to please give me something, because I don't want to mope around today.

But, nothing.

Until this.

(It's the cheesiest video ever, but the only one I could find on short notice. Please just listen to the song while you look at something else.)

This is my heart cry.

I need to be brought to life today. That's all I want. 

I need to be resurrected with Christ, instead of staying in the tomb waiting for someone to come and get me--because He already has. 

So once again, I will continue to wait and seek and cling on to that last thread of hope that I've got.

Because that's the promise for today. 

“For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Galatians 2:19-20

I may feel dead, but Christ is alive, and that is all that matters.