two weeks and two years.

Oct. 31, 2010

So...it's been a few weeks since I've opened up this page and put words on it for you to read.
I don't know what that means.
As always, I am torn about how much time to dedicate to this, how much headspace I want to give up, and whether or not this is something I should commit myself to doing regularly.
There are lots of threads that are attached to this knot, so it's not as easy to untangle as you might think.
I'll get there one day.

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It's been two years since I looked out the window of an airplane flying across the Atlantic, and saw England waiting for me from the sky. 

Two years since Jameson was a baby bean in my belly, and I packed up all my stuff and my husband and filled that one-way ticket to the UK.

Two years since I cried myself to sleep that night because "what have we done?" and "I want to go home, but I don't know where it is."

Two long, quick, excruciating, overjoyed years.

The hardest years of my life, without a doubt.

The years that have brought the biggest blessing of my life.

I feel like I should have something more profound to say.

I remember back in those first few months, thinking, "I will not make it here for two years. I don't think I can survive."

I remember looking at the expiry date on my visa and thinking that date would never come.

But, as ever and as always, here we are. 

Two years later.

With bumps and bruises and struggles and wins.

I'm stronger and different, and it's a strange feeling to live in suspension for two years, but it's coming to a close soon.

And I wonder what little thing it is that I'm going to miss the most.