happy times

>> 2.25.2008

Things are good.
-and I like being able to say that.

Granted, nothing is perfect. Rarely anything ever is. There is still pain and frustration and anger and friction, but we deal with it and get on in our lives.
What other choice do we have?

In a moment of re-living things today, I recounted the whole ordeal that pushed me to come to school here in front of a classroom full of twenty people, and then proceeded to act out that same emotion in a different situation. By the time I got done I thought I was going to pass out with exhaustion. I was shaking and my mind was racing- it felt like everything had happened a week ago, not a year. And in the midst of all of it, all I could do was stand there and thank God for pulling me out of such an intense situation. As I was talking, I was watching the looks on people's faces go from boredom, to concentration, to shock, to horror. It was like having a room full of life-size dolls, and I could make their expression into whatever I wanted.
It scared me a little bit, the fact that pieces of my life caused that look on someone's face- was it really that terrible of a situation? I didn't even need to ask...just look around you, kid.
I guess this rocked me in a way I didn't expect. I mean, I know my life has had it's rough spots. Whose hasn't? But to have someone look at you like that, almost in awe that you're still here and you're still sane...well, I guess it just threw me a little bit. Maybe it even made me a bit proud of myself. Like I had conquered some big mountain that most people never even got a glance of.

Although, maybe I'm just looking for strength.

I miss making magic with my words.

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