>> 2.22.2011

My lovely cousin Kati flew into London on Sunday, and we got the chance to spend almost 36 hours with her before she hopped on a bus to Swansea, to visit some old friends from her semester abroad there.
It was beyond amazing to have a family member here in this crazy place with me, and we were a pair, the two of us.
I am (feeling) hugely pregnant, and she was jet-lagged, so poor Hubs had to deal with two loud, tired Americans wandering London.
It was wonderful. 
Here is some photographic proof.

Outside Westminster Abbey, before we went in for the Sunday service, which Kati and Dave both dozed through.
No judgment.

Tower of London, and what the weather has looked like ever since I got here.

This Starbucks is so sentimental, cause it's one of the first places Hubs took me the first time I came to England to visit him.
I dragged the two of them around until we found it, and then I made them take pictures of me in front of it.
Someday I'll be that skinny again.

We went to Kings Cross in search of Platform 9 3/4, and we found this...A plastic picture of a brick wall while they do construction on the rest of the station.


They're so cute.

We had such a good time, and it was so nice to be with someone who knows who I am, and who's been with me since...I was born, really.
Relaxing, and freeing, and a much-needed break from daily life.

Not to mention that she brought packets of ranch dressing, enchilada sauce, and the cutest baby items I have ever seen.

Love you, K!



>> 2.18.2011

My days are spent remembering this:

While living in this:

Maybe the weather's starting to get to me, and I'm starting to get my S.A.D on, maybe it's a combination of pregnancy hormones and homesickness, but whatever it is, I am lacking contentment in a big way.
My self-centered, selfish human nature is whispering in my ear that I deserve more than this.

A trip to a sunny island shouldn't be so out of the question.
Getting a manicure, or a hair cut, or a massage shouldn't be such a big issue.
Going out for a nice dinner shouldn't be "not an option".

And even though I know it's not true, I've got the devil on my shoulder doing his best to make sure that I feel like I'm lacking just enough to make me want to turn and run.
If you know me, you know that I struggle with making comparisons, and looking at what other people have and finding what I don't.
It's a thorn in the flesh, and a big issue, and something I struggle through daily.
And I'm going to be honest and say that I'm struggling a lot right now.

I hate the weather.
I hate not having a car and being confined to places within walking distance.
I hate going to the grocery store and seeing nothing familiar and trying to figure out why it's called bicarbonate soda and not baking soda.
I miss being surrounded by people that know me, and know who I am, and are comfortable with that so that I don't have to modify my behavior to be accepted.
I'm tired of introducing myself and feeling like an outsider as soon as I open my mouth.

There is this, and there is so much more, but I won't go on, to spare myself some dignity.
I don't have a "happy ending" note for this, other than I am at the end of my rope, and trusting that God will take it from there.

Prayers, encouragement, and hamburgers are appreciated.


to my love

>> 2.13.2011

Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of our first date.
I love you so much more now than I did then, even though, at the time, I thought that my heart could never feel more full.

In honor of you, and the incredible way you came into my life and turned it upside down, here are some pictures to help you remember (cause I know you try, but details aren't your strong point).

I love you, and I cannot wait to watch you become a daddy and teach our son how to love a woman the way you love me.
I am so proud of you, and of the fact that I get to be called your wife.
Valentine's Day 2007
 We had only been interested in each other for a few weeks, and you told me that you didn't want our first date to be on Valentine's day, because it was too much pressure. I thought that was smart, and wasn't expecting anything from you that day...
When I woke up, you called me and met me in the lobby of my dorm, holding a bag of your favorite European chocolates ('cause American chocolate does not hold up to your standards) and a pot of mini roses, so that they wouldn't die like a big bouquet.
We said we'd meet up later, and I went back upstairs to do some homework...

Then you called me a few hours later and said you'd changed your mind.
So, did I want to go to dinner at five or eight?
This was our first picture together, and I was so nervous getting ready. All of the other dates I had been on up until now had just been awful, and I was so afraid that this one would follow suit.
In fact, I almost called to cancel on you, but my roommate did my hair, let me borrow her camera, and told me to have fun, but to NOT kiss you. : )

You somehow discovered that Italian food was one of my favorites and took me to such a cute restaurant by school. You made me try veal, and I ordered ravioli and couldn't believe that I was so happy and having so much fun on an official date.
After dinner was over, we walked to the Starbucks under the El tracks, which was deserted that night. We sat in a table in the corner, and when a slow John Lennon song came on, you asked me to dance.
I said yes.
You took me back early, because you said you didn't want anything to ruin the best night we'd had...but you called me an hour later, just so that we could talk about the best night we'd had.
You were the first man to ever pursue me and treat me like I was special.
I couldn't believe you had picked me.

 Valentine's Day 2008
This was our first Valentine's day after we had gotten engaged, and you surprised me by showing up at my work with a dozen roses and a box of your favorite chocolates.
You also had something special, that I knew you had been working on for ages, but I just couldn't figure out what it was...
I opened up a card from you, and inside were two "pretend" tickets that you had made.
We were going to Barcelona!
Your sister was getting married over spring break, and you and I were both flying back to England for the wedding. But you'd booked a day trip to Barcelona for us, in an effort to culturally educate your wife-to-be, and I could not believe it.
Tickets to Barcelona definitely eclipsed the night that I had planned for us.
All the girls at work were so jealous, and I couldn't believe that I had your ring on my finger, and that we were going to get married in just three months.

Valentine's Day 2009
Our first Valentine's day after we got married, and I didn't know what to expect.
I woke up to the cat throwing up that morning, and stumbled into the kitchen to find a bouquet of roses, along with a red mug from Starbucks complete with a bag of coffee and mocha mix. You were so upset that I found out that way, because you had wanted it to be a surprise, but I just laughed and told you that it was special anyway (despite the fact that we had to bathe the cat at seven in the morning before you left for work).
You kissed me goodbye and told me to go back to sleep.
When I woke up, I found a letter on your pillow.
Inside, you talked about how no one ever said "I love you" to God in the Old Testament, but rather they showed it by their actions.
You said that it was so important to make sure that we showed our love for one another, and that was why I needed to pack an overnight bag and meet you downtown.
You'd booked a room for us at the Hilton on Michigan Avenue, and you took me to a blues bar before dinner because you know just how much I love that (and how much it reminds me of home).
Then you took me to a trendy new restaurant that wasn't that great, but we were both so happy that it didn't matter. This year, you bought me a chocolate bar that had creme brulee pieces inside, because that was our favorite dessert together and we spent the night watching movies in that giant king size bed. 
I honestly thought that being married to you couldn't get any better than those moments.

Valentine's Day 2010
 I woke up to the coffee grinder and the smell of waffles...but I figured I was dreaming, so I went back to sleep. An hour later, you woke me up with a kitty on a tray, followed by a gluten-free waffle covered in whipped cream and raspberries (my favorite way to eat them).
You'd woken up early, and gone to the store in the snow to get everything you needed to make me breakfast in bed, even though you had no idea how to make waffles.
You even bought me red juice, and gave me pink and red carnations, along with a "Te amo" balloon (they ran out of the "I Love You ones at the store).

Kitty licked the whipped cream off my waffle and we laughed, while I sat in bed and couldn't understand how I had found someone who would do something like wake up early and cook for me, when you had hardly done anything like it before.
It was so small, but so big, and we were so happy that it almost hurt.

Every year, I think it can't be better than the year before, but I'm always wrong.
Every day with you is an adventure, and even though you can make me so mad, you can make me happier than anyone else.
I love the way that we laugh at the smallest, most stupid things.
I love the way that I can tell you any thought in my crazy head, and you just smile knowingly like, "My crazy wife".
I love the way that you talk to my belly, and how your son knows your voice and responds to it.
I love the fact that you brought me to a scary new country, and haven't left my side once. You take care of me better than I could have imagined, and I am so honored to be yours.

I love you, babe.


just give me a moment.

>> 2.10.2011

I'm listening to an amazing music mix that is bringing back nostalgia in the extreme.
I'm thinking about coffee shops in the city, amazing evenings with my husband, cupcakes with friends, and the life I left behind.

I've been doing so well lately, truly living where I am at, that this is kind of taking me by surprise.

But I think this is how moving on happens.

Piece by piece, your heart spits it back out at you while the hole slowly closes and you begin to lose the pain you felt when you looked back before.

"You can't just turn your heart off like a faucet; you have to go to the source and dry it out, drop by drop." 
-Sarah Dessen (Someone Like You) 

 LaSalle st.
ca. 2007

 Oak Street Beach
ca. 2007

 My favorite barista
ca. 2008

ca. 2008

ca. 2008

 The Coffee Studio
ca. 2009

 The last days
ca. 2010

ca. 2010

 Our kind of town
ca. 2010



>> 2.03.2011

It's a boy.

That tiny little "it" I've been carrying around for the past twenty weeks has always been a boy.

My boy.
My son.

I cannot even begin to describe what it is like to type those words, let alone see them and know that I wrote them.

I'm going to be honest and say that I was kind of disappointed when the ultrasound tech said that he was "300% sure" that our baby is a boy.
I've been walking around with visions of ballet, and lace, and sequins for the past few months and to have that replaced with dirt, and frogs, and mayhem was an...adjustment.

That boy in there is still that baby that I have been falling in love with, that I have been feeling kick and wiggle in my belly, and he is still mine.

I'm scared for this, yes.
I feel like I've got a handle on girls, I know what to do...but when it comes to boys, I feel slightly lost.

But he's my boy.

My son.

And I'm his mom.

And that's it.
That's all there is.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

  © Blogger template Simple n' Sweet by 2009

Back to TOP