being a wife.

I don't even know when we took this. I just found it.
Note how I am sporting the "mom-wear" sweatshirt. I told you it was my fave.

For as much as I talk about being a mom and my son, there is a whole other facet of my life that is just as, if not more important (and a whole other man, too).

Hubs and I have been married for over four years now and I still feel like I'm at the very beginning of this "figuring out how to be a wife" thing. Even though so many things have changed since we first got married, there are still so many things I need to change before I even scratch the surface of the "wife" I want to be.

We are such complex creatures, humans, and when you throw two of us together, interesting things happen. Babies are born. Memories are made. Tears are cried, laughter abounds, and eventually you are either closer to one being, or ready to part ways.

Thankfully, Hubs and I are the former (although there have been times I've thought the latter. I'll admit it. Marriage is hard).

Mostly I am just so thankful that I have been given someone that tolerates me in all of my sinful imperfection, and challenges me to change. Someone that enjoys living the same life I do, that shares the same passions and desires I do, and is just as childish as I am.

And even though there have been challenges that I am not sure we will ever overcome, we do.
We're still here.
And I love that.

Read more...

four.

It's even better now than it was then.

I could write a million words about this man and our life together, but they still wouldn't do it justice.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Let's have at least fifty more.

I love you.

Read more...

five years, six days.

That title is probably misleading.

Maybe it should be "five years. six days".

Because what I am talking about is the fact that five years ago, my husband asked me out on our first date, and as a result, I am spending my sixth Valentine's day with him.

Not only that, but I get two Valentines now, because I have a son. (Score another one in the "having a boy" category. Sometimes being the only girl has it's perks.)

I woke up to these:

According to Hubs, Jameson picked these out for me.

A dozen red roses from my love.

And these:

Because he knows how much I love Valentine's Day, even though it's "commercial".

Apparently, this took a million years to make, and included an incredible mess.
All while I was spinning my butt off at the gym.
I love my guys.

Then Hubs took me to this restaurant, followed by this:

Then I got to hang out with these guys:

He's like, "Come on, Mom. That's enough now."

I love this. I know Jameson and I are out of focus, but it's my family.
We are happy.

And now I'm here.

Such a blessed woman, am I.
And a happy one, at that.

Read more...

this thing called marriage.

There have been a lot of posts lately talking about whether or not marriage is hard.

I think this was all spurned by the Driscoll's new book that came out recently, and even though I haven't read said book, I've read the posts around it.

To be honest, I was a little surprised. Most of the posts I've read have all been talking about how this thing called marriage is not hard, and the surprising ease that they found during their first year together. And while I don't discount this at all, I feel like it's not necessarily fair to those of us that did have a hard time.

Because let's be honest here (since that's what I do).

My first year of marriage was probably one of the hardest things I've ever faced.

BUT

 it was also one of the best.

And here's the thing. I got married at the ripe old age of nineteen, halfway through my second year of Bible college. When I got back to campus in the fall after we got married, I was surrounded by couples who had tied the knot that summer as well.
And that whole semester, I spent a good chunk of time worrying that we had made a mistake, because look at everyone else, they're so happy and all they talk about is how happy they are and how great marriage is, and gosh, we sure do have a lot of problems compared to everyone else...

And I just wish I had known that it was okay to wonder if we had made a mistake.
It was okay to feel like I hated this life, and to wish that I could just go back home and not do this anymore.

The problem is that no one warned me that it was going to be this hard, and that my husband and I would get in big fights late at night, and that I would cry and he would get angry, because we are imperfect, sinful people. No one wanted to talk about how marriage is like God holding up a big mirror that shows all of the bad parts of you and says, "Well kid, take a look. This is the truth, and there are parts of it that are pretty ugly." No one wanted to tell me just how selfish I was, and how I was going to have to learn how to say, "I'm sorry" and mean it even when I didn't want to.

So, I'm talking about it.
My first year of marriage was incredibly difficult, but it was also incredibly wonderful. There were moments that could have been pulled out of your favorite romantic movie, and moments that I will cherish for the rest of my life. But it was hard. And that's okay.
Because it's even better now, and I get to realize that and see how far we've come. And this is all okay with me. God has used my marriage like a refining fire, and even though I am far from done, I am proud to say that I have made progress.

And even though I sometimes get jealous of those people that have had a really easy time in their marriage, God is making me see that every relationship is different, and this just happens to be ours. Comparison is the kiss of death, it's the cause of all discontent, and it can be fatal to your marriage.

To my husband, thank you for loving me despite all of the roadblocks and difficulties we've faced. Thank you for forgiving me thousands of times, and showing me what sacrificial love looks like. Thank you for being my best friend, and making me laugh like no one else can.
I respect you so much, and I am so proud to call you my husband, and the father of my son.

To everyone else, I hope you won't judge too harshly.
And if someone else resonates with this, I hope you will realize that it's okay for something to be hard. That doesn't make it wrong, and it doesn't mean that you've made a mistake. It just means that it's going to take some work, but it's going to be worth it.

Read more...

that one time

So there was that one time that I was going to do this thing called "NaNoWriMo" and write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

There was also this time where I was going to lose the last ten pounds that I gained while I was pregnant with Jameson baby.

Not to mention that one time where I was planning on making sure that our house stopped eating most (if not all) processed food, and bought more fruits and vegetables.

Also, that time where I was going to play with my baby every day, and read him lots of books so that he would have a higher IQ to serve him better later in life.

And then, that time where I was going to start being a better wife by not nitpicking at my husband, and just being pleasant and biting my tongue when I thought I was wrong.

Oh yeah, there was also that time where I joined that one manic-lady's website about keeping your house clean and organized, and she sends you a million emails a day so that you get to practice tossing clutter out of your inbox.

And I just remembered, that time where God and I were going to really carve out some quality time together, and I was going to read my Bible daily and start journaling again.

But then, there were all those other times where the sun stopped shining, the baby wouldn't go to sleep, all I could find to eat was cereal, I couldn't come up with a plot line, and I didn't have enough energy to get off the couch, let alone clean my house.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Read more...

marriage.

Tomorrow marks three years since I put on a pretty white dress, picked up a bouquet of red roses, and walked down the aisle to marry the man who had become my best friend.

Three years has seen us go through so, so much--more than I could have ever imagined. 

There have been moments where I wondered if we'd ever make it, 

moments that I wanted to scream, "This is not what I signed up for!", 

and moments where I was convinced that there was no way on earth I could ever feel happier.

I could write a million sappy words, but they would never cover it.

So, here are pictures of our moments instead.

Engaged in Paris

August 6, 2007

 The Beginning

May 31, 2008

 Honeymoon in Cancun

2008

Our first apartment!

June 2008

Late nights spent studying.

2008

Fall 2009

Graduation!

December 2009

Two year anniversary

(Evanston, Illinois)

May 31, 2010

Summer 2010

 Uptown Ribfest

August 2010
 

The Glass House

September 2010

Last nights in Chicago

October 2010

We're having a baby!

October 2010

Moving to England

November 1, 2010

Today.

May 30, 2011
-------------------------------

Husband,
You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
You push me to be better, and even though sometimes I feel like I might hate you for it, I'm glad you don't let me settle. The longer we're together, the better we fit each other, and there is no one else in the world I could imagine even attempting to live this life with.
I can't wait for this jump into being parents, and even though it scares me sometimes, I know that we're going to do it (and do it well) because we've already decided to be together forever.

Quite simply, I love you.
Your wife.

Read more...

to my love

Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of our first date.

I love you so much more now than I did then, even though, at the time, I thought that my heart could never feel more full.

In honor of you, and the incredible way you came into my life and turned it upside down, here are some pictures to help you remember (cause I know you try, but details aren't your strong point).

I love you, and I cannot wait to watch you become a daddy and teach our son how to love a woman the way you love me.

I am so proud of you, and of the fact that I get to be called your wife.

 -----------------

Valentine's Day 2007

 We had only been interested in each other for a few weeks, and you told me that you didn't want our first date to be on Valentine's day, because it was too much pressure. I thought that was smart, and wasn't expecting anything from you that day...

When I woke up, you called me and met me in the lobby of my dorm, holding a bag of your favorite European chocolates ('cause American chocolate does not hold up to your standards) and a pot of mini roses, so that they wouldn't die like a big bouquet.

We said we'd meet up later, and I went back upstairs to do some homework...

Then you called me a few hours later and said you'd changed your mind.

So, did I want to go to dinner at five or eight?

This was our first picture together, and I was so nervous getting ready. All of the other dates I had been on up until now had just been awful, and I was so afraid that this one would follow suit.

In fact, I almost called to cancel on you, but my roommate did my hair, let me borrow her camera, and told me to have fun, but to NOT kiss you. : )

You somehow discovered that Italian food was one of my favorites and took me to such a cute restaurant by school. You made me try veal, and I ordered ravioli and couldn't believe that I was so happy and having so much fun on an official date.

After dinner was over, we walked to the Starbucks under the El tracks, which was deserted that night. We sat in a table in the corner, and when a slow John Lennon song came on, you asked me to dance.

I said yes.

You took me back early, because you said you didn't want anything to ruin the best night we'd had...but you called me an hour later, just so that we could talk about the best night we'd had.

You were the first man to ever pursue me and treat me like I was special.

I couldn't believe you had picked me.

-------------------

 Valentine's Day 2008

This was our first Valentine's day after we had gotten engaged, and you surprised me by showing up at my work with a dozen roses and a box of your favorite chocolates.

You also had something special, that I knew you had been working on for ages, but I just couldn't figure out what it was...

I opened up a card from you, and inside were two "pretend" tickets that you had made.

We were going to Barcelona!

Your sister was getting married over spring break, and you and I were both flying back to England for the wedding. But you'd booked a day trip to Barcelona for us, in an effort to culturally educate your wife-to-be, and I could not believe it.

Tickets to Barcelona definitely eclipsed the night that I had planned for us.

All the girls at work were so jealous, and I couldn't believe that I had your ring on my finger, and that we were going to get married in just three months.

-----------------

Valentine's Day 2009

 

Our first Valentine's day after we got married, and I didn't know what to expect.

I woke up to the cat throwing up that morning, and stumbled into the kitchen to find a bouquet of roses, along with a red mug from Starbucks complete with a bag of coffee and mocha mix. You were so upset that I found out that way, because you had wanted it to be a surprise, but I just laughed and told you that it was special anyway (despite the fact that we had to bathe the cat at seven in the morning before you left for work).

You kissed me goodbye and told me to go back to sleep.

When I woke up, I found a letter on your pillow.

Inside, you talked about how no one ever said "I love you" to God in the Old Testament, but rather they showed it by their actions.

You said that it was so important to make sure that we showed our love for one another, and that was why I needed to pack an overnight bag and meet you downtown.

You'd booked a room for us at the Hilton on Michigan Avenue, and you took me to a blues bar before dinner because you know just how much I love that (and how much it reminds me of home).

Then you took me to a trendy new restaurant that wasn't that great, but we were both so happy that it didn't matter. This year, you bought me a chocolate bar that had creme brulee pieces inside, because that was our favorite dessert together and we spent the night watching movies in that giant king size bed. 

I honestly thought that being married to you couldn't get any better than those moments.

-------------------

Valentine's Day 2010

 I woke up to the coffee grinder and the smell of waffles...but I figured I was dreaming, so I went back to sleep. An hour later, you woke me up with a kitty on a tray, followed by a gluten-free waffle covered in whipped cream and raspberries (my favorite way to eat them).

You'd woken up early, and gone to the store in the snow to get everything you needed to make me breakfast in bed, even though you had no idea how to make waffles.

You even bought me red juice, and gave me pink and red carnations, along with a "Te amo" balloon (they ran out of the "I Love You ones at the store).

Kitty licked the whipped cream off my waffle and we laughed, while I sat in bed and couldn't understand how I had found someone who would do something like wake up early and cook for me, when you had hardly done anything like it before.

It was so small, but so big, and we were so happy that it almost hurt.

Every year, I think it can't be better than the year before, but I'm always wrong.

Every day with you is an adventure, and even though you can make me so mad, you can make me happier than anyone else.

 

I love the way that we laugh at the smallest, most stupid things.

I love the way that I can tell you any thought in my crazy head, and you just smile knowingly like, "My crazy wife".

I love the way that you talk to my belly, and how your son knows your voice and responds to it.

I love the fact that you brought me to a scary new country, and haven't left my side once. You take care of me better than I could have imagined, and I am so honored to be yours.

I love you, babe.

Read more...