just some stuff.

You know, I really thought that once I got this job, my blogging would increase ten-fold since I literally sit at a desk all day. But it's like, I start to think, "Maybe I should write something..." and then I go, "What do I even have to write about? How I ate lunch at 11:30 today instead of noon? How I've had to go to the bathroom every hour since I got here? That one time the coffee mugs were extra gross and I had to wash them all out and not gag?"

You get the picture.
Clearly my job is not the most intellectually stimulating experience. And I'm still struggling with that.
I got to spend time solo with Jameson this weekend and it was so wonderful. Profoundly exhausting, as simultaneously growing a human being inside of you and chasing a toddler (while trying to navigate through those incredibly murky waters of EMOTIONS) can be, but so wonderful. I knew in my bones that this is what I wanted to be doing with my time--taking my kid to Target and wandering the aisles, driving up to the mountains and going on his first "hike" (he's still talking about it. "Mountains, momma and da bwidge!"), grabbing lunch and just hanging out in the sunshine.
But it's Monday, and I'm in the office, in my chair, staring at this screen while Jameson is at Grandma's house, probably banging on the drums and running around outside and scaring the dog.

Contentment and peace.
God's been pushing that on me lately, and I'm trying to come towards it willingly.
Learning to live satisfied in the mediocrity of life, because that's where you spend the majority of your time, and if you can't be happy there, you won't be happy anywhere.
Being at peace with everyone, as long as it is up to you, and especially when it is up to you and the attitudes that you carry around. Rooting out all of the bitterness and jealousy that has been seeping in and rotting like a poison for years until you almost don't even notice it anymore, but it's there and it's still eating away. Bringing every single thought to Heaven, to sort through and examine and then let go.
What a novel idea. Letting go.

But this is it. The mediocre, the middle, the every day.
I did eat lunch at 11:30 today, because I am pregnant and extra hungry.
The coffee mugs were super gross this morning, and I hate that part of my job.
I go to the bathroom like I'm getting paid for it and it's annoying every single time.
There is a baby in my belly that moves so much it makes me wonder if there isn't more than one in there.
My son is so big and rambunctious during the day, and then when he falls asleep at night he somehow regresses back to that sweet baby I knew two years ago and it breaks my heart to walk out the front door every morning.
My life is tinged with sweetness and bitterness, happy and sad, excitement and boredom, and we are here in the middle of it all, just moving along.

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It's true.

Baby #2 is coming!

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tomorrow.

This is it. (Again).

We're doing this whole "uproot your life" thing one more time and are currently less than 24 hours away from boarding a big old jet plane that's going to take us to America and our new adventure.

I feel like I should have more to say, but I think I'm just tired from all the packing, cleaning, throwing away, general madness that we've had going on. I wish I had a nice artsy picture of our suitcases for you like I did last time, but, alas I do not.

Our timing is a little better this time around, I think, since we were scrambling to get everything packed and ready the morning that we were leaving two years ago, whereas now, we're ordering Indian food and just cleaning the last few corners. Hopefully we can get a decent amount of sleep tonight, since we've got a good 24 hours of traveling ahead of us.

Pray for this little family, if you think about it. The flight won't be quite so easy, seeing as how that little bean baby that was in my belly is now a full-grown toddler that doesn't like to sit still. Also, we've got three flights before we're in that blessed place I call "home" and it's going to be lots of work getting there.

Catch you on the flipside, England.

See you tomorrow, America!

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the beginning. again.

I downloaded a new app on my phone, called miCoach.
Couple that with myfitnesspal, and this girl's getting back into her fitness groove.

I decided to just start back at the beginning, instead of trying to pick it all back up in the middle, like from before I got pregnant.
Slow and steady wins the race, and loses those 15 pounds that are hanging out around my waist.

I still hate counting calories, and I still feel like a heifer when I run, but it's a start.
I'll get to where I want to go eventually, because I've done it before.
I've got a few dates in my head to motivate me to keep working out and watching what I put in my mouth. Plus, working out is my alone time now and Lord knows I can never have enough of that.

So for today, I am proud of myself.

And that, my friends, is good enough.

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so this is the new year.

2012.

I can't believe that it's here.

2011 has been a year of so many ups and downs, so many incredible things happened (including the birth of my son), for the good and the bad.

To be honest, I haven't spent much time reflecting on it all, simply because I am trying to soak up as much time with my family as I possibly can. We've been in Utah for nearly 3 & 1/2 weeks now, and are leaving on Wednesday, and...I really just want to be here.

Now. 

Laughing with my sisters, 

and drinking (decaf) coffee with my parents, 

and watching my son get to know the American side of his family.

There will be posts with pictures to come (although, I've done a bad job of taking them. Again, I've just tried to be here with everyone, and not spend all my time behind a camera), and I'm sure the reflection will begin.

For now, I've decided that this year is going to be about taking better care of myself, so that I can take better care of my family. This includes all aspects: physical, emotional, and spiritual. 

I want to be a better woman for the Lord, a better wife, and a better mom.

So, 2012, here's to you. Let's see if we can't live it up, right?

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Jameson Jia Sheung Ho

On June 30th, at 7:14 in the morning, Jameson baby made his grand entrance into the outside world.

We're on day 4 of life today, and although I don't quite have the energy to do a full post about his arrival just yet, I figured I'd do a little update to try and keep things current around here.

My recovery is going okay, and he is doing beautifully for such a new baby. Hubs and I are getting some decent amounts of sleep and are so thankful for my parents presence over the past few weeks--they have been lifesavers with all the cooking, cleaning, and crying-baby-comforting that they have been doing.

Jameson is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and I cannot even begin to describe how much I love him. He is my answer to prayer, and the absolute best thing I have ever made.

We are happy.

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short and sweet

I don't have a ton of time to post a major update, but for those of you that were wondering, Jordan and Brandi's visit was just as amazing (in fact, maybe even more so) than we expected.

We asked them to be Jameson's godparents and they enthusiastically said yes. 

Hubs and I are so, so blessed to have these two in our lives. 

There's not really a better way to put it than that, so there you go.

My parents are here with us now, which is another amazing and slightly surreal thing, and we are all anxiously awaiting the moment I go in to labor.

Which will hopefully not be very long, considering that I'm due in four days, and I would just really like him to come out sooner rather than later, so that he can spend a good amount of time with his grandparents as an outside baby.

So, if you don't mind, can we all just pray that Jameson baby gets the show on the road today? Or even tomorrow? Cause that would be excellent.

I know that it's short, but I'll post a more thorough update as soon as my head stops spinning from the amount of amazing people that have come through my house in such a short time.

For now, we are happy, and content with waiting for our baby, and that is enough.

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thoughts

I'm not in labor yet.

So, I mean, there's not much new to report on this side of the world.

Oh, except that our bff's from Moody are coming to visit us and will be in our apartment less than 24 hours from now!

Seriously, Hubs and I love these two.

We've been friends with them ever since our freshman year at Moody (Daveo and Jordan were both on the varsity soccer team, and Brandi and I transferred in together).

They've been through the ups and downs of our dating/engagement/break-up/re-engagement/marriage, and we've gotten to be there for them through the years of Jordan-likes-Brandi, Brandi-doesn't-know-how-she-feels, to finally dating, being a part of their engagement, and then having the honor of being in their wedding.

 Fall 2007

Fall 2007

Buckingham Fountain, Chicago 

Fall 2007

Spring 2008

The Drake Hotel, Chicago 

Sept. 25, 2010

We miss them so much, that a day rarely goes by when we don't look at each other and say, "You should text/call/facebook that to Jord and Bran." And then we go, "Oh my gosh, how much do we miss them?"

A lot. We miss them a lot.

So the fact that they are coming to see us all the way on the other side of the world is amazing and wonderful, and we can't wait until they get here.

*Wedding photo credit goes to MBach Photography

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preview

So, I've been wanting to take maternity pictures for ages (especially before my face puffs up and I start to look like Marshmallow Man).

However, there was no way that we could afford to pay for a shoot in a studio, so Hubs and I decided to host our own. On one of our neighborhood walks, we found a shortcut back to this random field, and figured that it would probably be a great place to take some shots.

*Cue us packing up camera equipment (and even a change of clothes!) and trekking through the forest to get there.

Hubs did a fantastic job and we even got some shots of the two of us (with the help of our self-timer) and I am pretty darn happy with the way they turned out. I've got some editing work ahead of me, but here's a peek at the few that I've managed to work on.

So there you have it.

I'll put a link up to the rest as soon as I finish them up.

What do you think?

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a percolator.

My brain is stewing things around right now, but none of it is coherent enough to craft into sensible sentences.

So, for now, here's a picture of me and my giant 36-week-pregnant belly (can you tell that he's dropped? 'cause I can. Ha.):

Also, my "What To Expect When You're Expecting" app has just informed me that my baby is the size of a watermelon.

Whoa.

It's no wonder I have to lift my stomach up when I roll over in bed at night.

Although I am the crankiest person on the planet right now, due to the ridiculous amount of uncomfortableness I am experiencing, God keeps whacking me on the head with the fact that all of this (including the heartburn, nausea, backache, grinding hips, sciatica, insomnia, exhaustion, pelvic ligaments that are too loose, and electric shocks that occur when Jameson stabs me with his heels) is a blessing and I need to treat it that way. 

I have a healthy baby growing inside of me, and I am just a few weeks away from meeting him.

I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

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nesting

First of all, let me apologize for the haphazard appearance of my blog right now.

I started the redesigning process, got frustrated with the template I was working in and haven't had the energy to wade through all of the HTML and other things since. However, it's driving me crazy to look at, so it will get done soon.

Secondly, I now fully understand what pregnant women mean when they talk about nesting.

Our American friends over here, Erica and Zac, just had their baby boy, Clive Weatherly, yesterday. He is a beautiful 8 lbs., 7 oz. and 21 inches long. Hubs and I were lucky enough to be able to visit them in the hospital and it was such a surreal experience. Ever since I got over here, Erica and I have been pregnant together, moaning about all of the aches and pains we were going through and speculating about what labor was really going to be like.

But now that she's had Clive (and she actually does know what labor is like), I'm the lone pregnant ranger. It seems that the reality that there is actually a real baby in my belly who will be making an appearance sometime in the next seven weeks has truly sunk in, and I am like a crazy woman on a mission.

I had a mini-panic attack last night, thinking about all of the things we have left to do before Jameson gets here, and the first thing I thought about this morning was "Lists. I've got to make lists."
So, suffice it to say that I have a "Nesting List" broken down into three categories with the things to-do underneath each heading.

(When I get stressed, my OCD tendencies start to really show themselves. Ha.)

I have this sudden burst of energy now, and my husband has actually said that he is afraid of me.

Let the fun begin.

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three months

My third trimester starts today.

Jameson Jia Sheung Ho is due three months from yesterday.

I'm not sure that I've even really got my head wrapped around this quite yet. I think it still feels far away, but at the same time it is drawing imminently closer and I am trying not to run around in a panic about all of the things that I would like to have done before he gets here.

Although this has probably been the most trying time in our lives (for many reasons), I look around and I see the fact that we have still been given all of the things we need to bring our son into the world and take care of him for the first few months of his life.

I'm not too sure about the months afterwards, but I am doing my best to rest in the knowledge that at least the "now" is taken care of.

To tell you the truth, I am so in love with my son, that three months almost feels like an unbearable amount of time to wait to meet him.

I want to be a mom now, and time is ticking by.

Although I am still dealing with the realities of labor and birth, when I think about my baby, it's almost like an afterthought.

The little person I have waited for my entire life is almost here, and I am as ready as I will ever be.

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to my love

Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of our first date.

I love you so much more now than I did then, even though, at the time, I thought that my heart could never feel more full.

In honor of you, and the incredible way you came into my life and turned it upside down, here are some pictures to help you remember (cause I know you try, but details aren't your strong point).

I love you, and I cannot wait to watch you become a daddy and teach our son how to love a woman the way you love me.

I am so proud of you, and of the fact that I get to be called your wife.

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Valentine's Day 2007

 We had only been interested in each other for a few weeks, and you told me that you didn't want our first date to be on Valentine's day, because it was too much pressure. I thought that was smart, and wasn't expecting anything from you that day...

When I woke up, you called me and met me in the lobby of my dorm, holding a bag of your favorite European chocolates ('cause American chocolate does not hold up to your standards) and a pot of mini roses, so that they wouldn't die like a big bouquet.

We said we'd meet up later, and I went back upstairs to do some homework...

Then you called me a few hours later and said you'd changed your mind.

So, did I want to go to dinner at five or eight?

This was our first picture together, and I was so nervous getting ready. All of the other dates I had been on up until now had just been awful, and I was so afraid that this one would follow suit.

In fact, I almost called to cancel on you, but my roommate did my hair, let me borrow her camera, and told me to have fun, but to NOT kiss you. : )

You somehow discovered that Italian food was one of my favorites and took me to such a cute restaurant by school. You made me try veal, and I ordered ravioli and couldn't believe that I was so happy and having so much fun on an official date.

After dinner was over, we walked to the Starbucks under the El tracks, which was deserted that night. We sat in a table in the corner, and when a slow John Lennon song came on, you asked me to dance.

I said yes.

You took me back early, because you said you didn't want anything to ruin the best night we'd had...but you called me an hour later, just so that we could talk about the best night we'd had.

You were the first man to ever pursue me and treat me like I was special.

I couldn't believe you had picked me.

-------------------

 Valentine's Day 2008

This was our first Valentine's day after we had gotten engaged, and you surprised me by showing up at my work with a dozen roses and a box of your favorite chocolates.

You also had something special, that I knew you had been working on for ages, but I just couldn't figure out what it was...

I opened up a card from you, and inside were two "pretend" tickets that you had made.

We were going to Barcelona!

Your sister was getting married over spring break, and you and I were both flying back to England for the wedding. But you'd booked a day trip to Barcelona for us, in an effort to culturally educate your wife-to-be, and I could not believe it.

Tickets to Barcelona definitely eclipsed the night that I had planned for us.

All the girls at work were so jealous, and I couldn't believe that I had your ring on my finger, and that we were going to get married in just three months.

-----------------

Valentine's Day 2009

 

Our first Valentine's day after we got married, and I didn't know what to expect.

I woke up to the cat throwing up that morning, and stumbled into the kitchen to find a bouquet of roses, along with a red mug from Starbucks complete with a bag of coffee and mocha mix. You were so upset that I found out that way, because you had wanted it to be a surprise, but I just laughed and told you that it was special anyway (despite the fact that we had to bathe the cat at seven in the morning before you left for work).

You kissed me goodbye and told me to go back to sleep.

When I woke up, I found a letter on your pillow.

Inside, you talked about how no one ever said "I love you" to God in the Old Testament, but rather they showed it by their actions.

You said that it was so important to make sure that we showed our love for one another, and that was why I needed to pack an overnight bag and meet you downtown.

You'd booked a room for us at the Hilton on Michigan Avenue, and you took me to a blues bar before dinner because you know just how much I love that (and how much it reminds me of home).

Then you took me to a trendy new restaurant that wasn't that great, but we were both so happy that it didn't matter. This year, you bought me a chocolate bar that had creme brulee pieces inside, because that was our favorite dessert together and we spent the night watching movies in that giant king size bed. 

I honestly thought that being married to you couldn't get any better than those moments.

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Valentine's Day 2010

 I woke up to the coffee grinder and the smell of waffles...but I figured I was dreaming, so I went back to sleep. An hour later, you woke me up with a kitty on a tray, followed by a gluten-free waffle covered in whipped cream and raspberries (my favorite way to eat them).

You'd woken up early, and gone to the store in the snow to get everything you needed to make me breakfast in bed, even though you had no idea how to make waffles.

You even bought me red juice, and gave me pink and red carnations, along with a "Te amo" balloon (they ran out of the "I Love You ones at the store).

Kitty licked the whipped cream off my waffle and we laughed, while I sat in bed and couldn't understand how I had found someone who would do something like wake up early and cook for me, when you had hardly done anything like it before.

It was so small, but so big, and we were so happy that it almost hurt.

Every year, I think it can't be better than the year before, but I'm always wrong.

Every day with you is an adventure, and even though you can make me so mad, you can make me happier than anyone else.

 

I love the way that we laugh at the smallest, most stupid things.

I love the way that I can tell you any thought in my crazy head, and you just smile knowingly like, "My crazy wife".

I love the way that you talk to my belly, and how your son knows your voice and responds to it.

I love the fact that you brought me to a scary new country, and haven't left my side once. You take care of me better than I could have imagined, and I am so honored to be yours.

I love you, babe.

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son.

It's a boy.

That tiny little "it" I've been carrying around for the past twenty weeks has always been a boy.

My boy.
My son.

I cannot even begin to describe what it is like to type those words, let alone see them and know that I wrote them.

I'm going to be honest and say that I was kind of disappointed when the ultrasound tech said that he was "300% sure" that our baby is a boy.
I've been walking around with visions of ballet, and lace, and sequins for the past few months and to have that replaced with dirt, and frogs, and mayhem was an...adjustment.

However.
That boy in there is still that baby that I have been falling in love with, that I have been feeling kick and wiggle in my belly, and he is still mine.

I'm scared for this, yes.
I feel like I've got a handle on girls, I know what to do...but when it comes to boys, I feel slightly lost.

But he's my boy.

My son.

And I'm his mom.

And that's it.
That's all there is.

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