breathe without you

I want my kitty.

I want to take beautiful pictures and become famous and run away.

I want to write my heart out, and know that someone else thought it was worth their time.

I want to be destroyingly complex, and disturbingly simple.

I want to breakout of here, out of this funk and move into the sunshine.

I want to not want anymore, but to be still and sit where I am.

I am not alive, I am not afraid, I am not alone.

I am waiting, and wishing, and I know that You can see me.

This is not a clean break. And now I'm raggedy on the inside.

--Love you and miss you baby. Play with your sister, and I'll see you there someday soon.

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the cats are fighting and there's tension in the air this morning.
Maybe it's the rain.

I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm supposed to write and dream up creative things.
I'm supposed to vacuum the floors and neaten the house.

Instead I am
distracted
confused
hurt
upset
procrastinating
cold
tired
and
trying to be content in this.

In Philippians, Paul talks about having joy in the midst of everything else. And I guess he would know, considering he was in jail while he wrote all of that.
I just wonder, how is it that he is able to have joy in prison, while I am struggling to find true contentment in a solid house with four walls and a roof?
I know Paul was a spiritual giant and all that, but is it really so unlikely for someone in today's society to find the same joy that he had? I feel like that is selling ourselves short, claiming that since Paul wrote Scripture, he obviously had "ins" to God that we don't get today.

We know the same God. He hasn't changed any since then.

"For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him..."
-Philippians 1:29

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