betrayal

It's difficult today.

Fighting back the argument that I am the reason I have found myself alone in this city without a familiar face to talk to and laugh with.
I'm reminding myself that college wasn't the end-all, be-all of my life and the point of going there was to accomplish my degree, and not set myself up with my "best friends EVER!" for the rest of my life.
But there are still moments like today, where it is so easy to look around and see moments that I missed, laughs I did not hear, and relationships that I am not a part of.

I just wish I was there already, settled in, happy, with people I could trust.

I think I miss that the most...trusting people.

Ugh.
Ugh, ugh, UGH.

Fall seven times, get up eight.

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resignation

Well...I'm going to be brutally honest and say that the reason it's been one month since I've posted something is because I had this huge ginormous goal that I had almost met, and I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't write until it had been accomplished.

I have not yet met that goal, and I gave up trying for a good while.

But the fact that my fingers are typing on this computer is testimony to the fact that I do not yet have even myself, or any part of this life figured out, and God continues to teach me about both.

I am learning that life is not about me in any way shape or form, and yet, I am not an accident.

I am learning that everything I do must be driven by the ultimate desire to serve God, even when what I am doing seems trivial or unimportant.

I am learning that there are good things about this life I am living right now, such as:
sunshine,
aqua blue nail polish,
gluten-free sections in the grocery store,
laughing with strangers,
walking and biking everywhere I need to go,
free vases of tulips,
and my ever-loving, truly amazing husband.

I'm going to keep trying to stop being restricted by who I want to be, and start being liberated by who I am.

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