>> 4.20.2008

Well, it's not like I exactly had anything in mind, but sometimes the words just decide to come out when I give them the opportunity. This usually happens when emotions have been running pretty high and I've made some difficult decisions in my life. Thus, opportunity and words:

My wedding is coming closer and closer. This brings moments of terror and then moments of extreme joy. In 41 days I will be a married woman, and an offical adult. I will put on my white dress, walk down the aisle, and tell a man that I love him more than anyone else on this earth and that I promise to stand by him for the rest of our days. I will then kiss him and become his wife.
I cannot wait.
(I hope everything goes like it's supposed too.)

The end of my third semester at Moody is fast approaching as well. Big, scary papers are beginning to nibble at my brain and my caffeine tolerance has increased dramatically due to the fact that I drink it more than water. I feel like my brain is just a blanket full of holes and that all the knowledge is slipping out like sand, but then I look back on it all and realize that I've learned quite a lot more than I thought. Very often I wonder what I am doing here, but then the thought of working in a field I absolutely love comes to mind and I remind myself that this is the gateway to getting there. A few different job/practicum opportunites have popped up and I am so unbelievably excited. I'm not sure that I've ever had a passion for work like I do for this. It's the only field I can picture myself working in for the rest of my life and not feel like it was all pointless. It's actually something that sparks a fire in I'm going after it.

We get the keys to our apartment in three days so that we can start moving in. My mind has been overwhelmed with planning and decorating schemes. Who knew that themes could play such an important role in picking out furniture? At the end of the day, I've decided to try and recreate Paris. I love Europe, Paris especially, and I want my house to be a place I feel like I actually belong in- thus the other-side-of-the-world theme. I may have only been there for a few weeks, but Europe felt more like home than any other place. I can't wait to go back...I sincerely hope that God has plans to put my husband and I there long-term.

I've cut off ties that needed to be cut, and pulled out of a lot of things that weren't doing me any good. I feel like my heart has been pruned a bit, and although it is incredibly painful I have seen the benefit almost immediately. I feel like a more honest, genuine person that is honestly going after Christ, not just talking about it. I've begun to stop judging people on the outside and try to see the inside before I make any character calls. I've also realized that very often it is not about the actions, but about the person mixed up in those actions. This is a lot to explain, and something that I am just now figuring out, so let's just suffice it to say that I'm growing up a lot and I'm realizing just how incredible I am.
It's a nice feeling to know that I am a precious commodity and that my worth can't change. I like being secure, and this is about as secure as you can get.

So that's it.
The words came out, and now I can think straight for a little while longer.

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