>> 4.16.2008

I've just got to get this out so that I can move on and get things accomplished with my life. So here we go:

This whole wedding-moving-work-school deal is impossible. I cannot do it. And I know those are probably in the wrong order, but to be honest with you, that's probably pretty accurate of my level of concern for them all. I can't help it, and my life is freaking out.

I can't be in my room without falling asleep, waking up 2-5 hours later and kicking myself for even laying down in the first place. Although I know that it's what my body needs, right now my schedule does not allow for it, thus it was a mistake and I am extremely irritated. (In case you cannot tell, I have just experienced this feeling).

I don't want to work out, and I don't want to eat anymore fruit. I HATE keeping track of my calories and making sure that I burn at least 250 at every work out. I am making all this effort and I see no progress- please inform me why I need to keep going?? I hate being hungry all the time and worrying that by eleven o'clock I will have eaten all my calorie allowances for the day and I'm going to go to bed feeling like I have no stomach because it's digested itself.

I miss my fiance and I am tired of not being able to have a real conversation with him because we both have so much to do. We make every effort to see each other and say "hiiloveyoubye" when we can, but that is no substitute for being able to sit next to each other and really listen to what is going on inside the other's heart. This is no way to have a relationship and I am confident that if we weren't already as strong as we are, this semester would be ten times more hellish (aka, last semester).

Not really. Because I don't quit things, and because I won't quit this.
But I am damn well ready to pack my bags and head for anywhere else.

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