something determined

>> 5.05.2008

I think I have figured something out.
Men and women were designed to be best friends with each other.
However, this was/is to make marriage function properly and fully.
That's why those brother-like/sister-like friendships always end with someone developing an intense crush on the other one: because it's supposed to happen that way.
I think God made it so that friendships between men and women would slowly delve into emotional closeness that would then evolve into romantic/physical/marry-me attraction.
That's also why I think that friendships with men and women need to be treated so carefully. To me, it's like holding an egg and warming it up and feeding it (or however that happens) and then asking it not to hatch. Obviously, it's going to crack open sooner or later. You can choose to only nurse it a little so that the time for it to hatch never comes. But that also involves choosing lines or creating boundaries so that you don't accidentally open your little egg of romance.

I'm sure that there are many out there that think I am a co-dependent woman for thinking like this, but my reasoning really isn't that far off. Obviously God gave us friendships with other women (and men with other men) for sanity and things like facials and chick-flicks and chocolate. I need my girls. My fiance needs his boys. It's how we were designed. But I also think that God designed the closest friendship in a human-being's life to occur with their spouse. My fiance is my best friend, and because of that I trust him more than I trust anyone else in my life- even my girl friends. He knows things about me and pieces of my mind that no one else knows because we have started to tap that level of emotional closeness that only comes with a male-female bond. (I'm staring to sound like some scary Christian relationship therapist. Ew. I just wanted to sort my thoughts out on this is all.)

I think that's why it's such a cautionary thing for me when I see people in relationships having close friendships with people other than their spouse (or fiance or whatever). You're walking a line and you're gonna fall off somewhere unless you rope yourself in. To be honest, I'm not really comfortable doing something or going somewhere alone with another guy that is not my fiance. I have other guy friends...but that's just weird to me. Why would I do that? What's the point? I don't need to go out for coffee to maintain a good friendship with a guy friend of mine. I also don't think my fiance needs to go out for dinner with one of his girl friends without me. Why can't I come? What would they be talking about that I shouldn't be able to listen to?

Am I way off the mark here? Am I co-dependent and suffocating?
I don't think so...these are just observations that I've gathered while watching other people fall apart over things like this. Sometimes I think some things are just so RIGHT THERE, but the whole world can't seem to see them.
Enough psycho-therapy for a night.
(I've kind of grossed myself out a bit, to be honest.)

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