>> 8.01.2011

I am tired.

Jameson was a month old two days ago, and all of a sudden I seem to have put this invisible expectation on myself that everything should be "back to normal".
Maybe I've subconsciously told myself that one month should be long enough to physically and mentally recover from giving birth, and now I should be back to keeping the house clean, food in the fridge, working out at the gym, and making sure that my social graces aren't lagging.

I've got fifty thank you cards/birth announcements to write.
My living room looks like a bomb full of random clutter exploded everywhere.
My fridge and pantry are so empty that cereal has become my "go-to" meal for the past week.
And (embarrassingly enough) I can't really remember the last time I had a proper shower.

I went to bed yesterday promising myself that I'd wake up and feed the baby, then go to the gym and get myself started on getting back into shape.
Then I actually woke up this morning, fed my fussy baby, and laid in bed thinking about how maybe I could just learn to live with myself the way that I am, and going to the gym was second in importance to trying to get just another hour of sleep.

I got Jameson to bed tonight, stared at the stack of blank thank-you cards waiting to be written, and subsequently collapsed on the couch instead (which is where I am currently located now).

I think that I'm so tired that I literally can't think straight attention span has currently shortened to the length of time in between Jameson's meals (which is about an hour and a half) and I just feel like I'm walking around in a daze.

Maybe I just need someone to tell me that it's okay for me to still be a ragged mess a month after birth, and that people won't be offended if it takes me awhile to get their thank-you cards out.


6 thoughts:

The Winkler's August 1, 2011 at 3:37 PM  

so right. cammie, i still feel a mess after nine months! (granted, i have a child that still does NOT sleep through the night...i get so angry at mamas with babies ellies age that sleep like 14 hours...oh what i would DO with 14 hours.) anyway. I want to tell you that working out is the last thing you need to be worried about girl! I was talking to a couple women at my church (one who is in her 60s) and she was saying that when she was a mom, there wasn't the expectation of the woman getting back into shape...they just took care of their kids. People didn't expect it of them. We face so many pressures to look a certain way AND be great mamas AND cook organic food AND have a cute house AND do DIY projects. ha! I am learning that life really is about maintaining. Taking a shower, eating, picking up the toys yet again. It's just over and over and over. That's why I find so much comfort in the fact that I have a resurrected Savior that gives me hope that this is NOT all that my life will amount to. I feel like when I understand that, it is only then that I can take joy in those small, mundane tasks that no one will ever praise me for.

Sorry for the novel I just wrote, but I understand the need for encouragement. I am by no means on the "other side," but thought this might be of some encouragement to your weary self today.

TheWhatIfGirl August 1, 2011 at 4:13 PM  

I agree with everything that girl above said.

Rach August 1, 2011 at 4:52 PM  

You're doing good. Keeping yourself alive, keeping a baby alive (on the best stuff on earth, no less!), and resting are your jobs right now. Give it a month or two more and things will start to get back to normal, but it's a process; and normal will always look a bit different. :)

The mom of a 15 month old who still frequently chooses sleep over workouts!

CozyStitches August 1, 2011 at 5:13 PM  

You are doing what is NEEDED right now! Do not beat yourself up with these expectations. Remember it took 10 months to create the baby and at least 10 months to get back to "normal". But remember, that "normal" is now different, you have someone else to care for now. Relax. Enjoy snuggle time w/baby and some hubby time. Most importantly, time for Cami too. Try smaller goals, like for today (and only today) I will make sure that I have showered. Bonus if you get 2 showers in a week. :) It will take time. You will figure out a schedule/system that works for you. Another thing that can help: Remember that baby will be baby for only so long, then he'll be walking/talking and you'll have a new "normal" to get use to.

Fear not: You WILL sleep again. You WILL be able to eat a hot meal right when its served again. You WILL have coherent thoughts again.

Hugs from a mama of a 9, 7, and 5 year old and I remember the lack of sleep, and desperate need of sleep/adult conversation/and showers. ;)
tammy H

Stacey August 1, 2011 at 8:46 PM  

Oh Sister, rest assured you are not in this alone. I think you are going through the same thing that every new mom is going through right this very moment. Have you heard that in the olden days the women would have a 40 day laying in after they had a baby? There was a lot of wisdom there. REST REST REST!!!! give baby to daddy so you can have a shower. And do things in 5's fold 5 pieces of laundry, wash 5 dishes, set the timer for 5 minutes and do some stretching. It will help you feel like you are getting something done if even just a little at a time. You are NORMAL!!! THIS is NORMAL! and you will get through this, part of your feelings are also hormone related, so take it easy and keep that at the forefront of your mind. LOVE you girl, I will pray for you.

P.S. make sure you are getting outside for some fresh air everyday if possible.

Kacie August 2, 2011 at 11:40 AM  

One month is definitely not enough. that's why the minimum maternity leave here in the US is really around six weeks, and that really isn't enough anyways! I'd say three months. Three months is when the sleep and eating patterns stabilize. You're just rolling with the punches until then. You're not really in charge, the baby is.

So, until three months... really don't worry about it. :)

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