name the ways

>> 8.13.2008

There are so many thoughts swirling around that I am having a difficult time picking them out individually and processing them
Sometimes it's like the mind-load just keeps getting more and more dumped on before I can even begin to sort through what was there before.
Sometimes I feel about my mind like I feel about my house- it has to be organized and semi clean before I can even begin to accomplish something.
The only problem is that I can't just grab a vacuum and suck the nasties out of my brain...I can only sort through them and relegate them to their proper place. But even this can't happen if other stuff just keeps piling in.
See what I mean?

I had to tell you about my brain problems before I could even begin to write about what the problems inside of the brain problems are!

How do you tell someone that you care about so much that they are breaking your heart every day?
(No, I am not talking about my husband. Dispel your fears. We are doing wonderfully).
My heart aches watching them live life like they are. The hardest part is knowing that absolutely nothing I say will make them change their mind. It's out of my hands- I have no control.
Desperation creeps into all my prayers for them and I literally pour my heart- and tears- out to God.
I don't know what else to do.

I wonder if parents ever feel this way about their children...watching, and knowing that they have no control over their decisions.
Goodness. I am scared for my children already.

In part two of Cami's messy mind: Inferiority.
Will this ever not be a part of my life?
Will there ever come a day where I will continuously be able to say that someone does not make me feel inconsequential and unsubstantial? (Ooooo. Big words).
I know that it's an empty pursuit.
It will end from a lack of money, lack of concentration, and mostly from failure.
"If I was a rich girl..." would it make it any better?

I already know all the answers.
And if that's the case, then why am I still asking the questions?

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