overdue. [pt.1]

Okay.
It's been a long time coming, but that's because I kept forgetting my camera cable, so I couldn't load any pictures up.
I'm going to break this up a bit, so that it's not as overwhelming.
Ha.

First up, the Dickensian Christmas Festival that we went to in Rochester. It was really gray and cold that day, but we went with some American friends that we found (who also went to Moody, and who are also having a baby a month before us. Go figure.) and we had a great time.

The docks in Rochester. Please note the sky and the snow. 

The country got more snow in three days than they knew what to do with. 

Schools were closed, post offices stopped delivering mail, and EVERYONE stayed inside.

I loved it. : )

Inga, all dressed up in her Dickens costume.

A few others that decided to dress up as well.

(The town takes this thing seriously. People go all out on their costumes.)

Inga and Zac.

We were sooo hungry, and extremely cold, but all of the pubs were full up.

We finally found one that had seats available, called the Kings Head Hotel. 

Charming.

Dave's bangers and mash, fancy style.

The festival also had a Christmas market that was full of people selling loads of homemade goods.

We bought some fantastic smelling potpurri and a bundle of cinnamon sticks.

Also, Dave let me get some cinnamon roasted cashews, cause I really love them.

It's not a Christmas festival without Bratwurst and Beer.

So, it's a bit hard to tell, but this was the crowd, all gathered together and singing Christmas carols with a choir.

We were right next to the cathedral in the town, which was gorgeous but hard to get pictures of because it was dark.

Silent Night.

After the festival was over, Erica, Zac, and Inga had Dave and I over for some deep dish pizza that they made from scratch.

It was delicious and reminded me of Chicago, 

which I have been missing more than I thought I would.

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windows

Although there are things to say, I am lacking in pictures at the moment.

However, laundry is being done, lunch is being cooked, and after I finish working today I'm going to equip myself with Google Maps and get myself to the library.

This is progress.

This is big, big progress is the form of baby steps that are extraordinarily difficult at times.

For a lack of anything better, I'm going to give you my views every day.
Also, it snowed this morning, which made things infinitely better, so that is what that little smattering of white happens to be.

The view out of our bedroom at Hub's parent's house.

Looking the other way out the window. This is the back garden, and a bit of the neighbor's back garden.

View out the front room window. Mum and Dad's little hybrid, and SNOW!

My day, summed up by these three things--laptop, giant watter bottle, and my mug.

I promise to start taking more pictures, especially as I venture out of the house.

And, that's it folks. 

(I'm keeping it lighter today.)

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a picture is worth a thousand words

Although these might not be the best or most interesting pictures in the world, there is meaning to them.
And I think, that even though that meaning can be interpreted wildly, there is an element in each of them that describes how I am doing better than words ever will.

(Thank you, Mr. Wilkinson, for giving me another tool to express myself with.)

Happy Thanksgiving.

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i miss

all of this.

 

I wish my heart would stop aching so badly.

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creative

I'm finding a lack of creative in my life.

I look around and I see all these amazing, empowered, regular-blogging women who make all of these beautiful things and have these cute-shabby-vintage-lacy-jealousy inducing homes and I just think, "Ugh."

I want my baby to have a beautiful nursery, and cute little things that I made in there, along with great thift shop things that I found and re-did to make even cuter than before.

I want a house (or apartment, at least) that I have decorated well, and that I can walk in and think, "I love coming home."

I want to go to craft stores and buy random things and put them together to make art projects that Martha Stewart would approve of.
I want a blog layout that does not look like I simply got started on Blogger and tweaked things on my own (even though I did).

I feel like I used to have an outpouring of creative in my life, and it seems that it has dried up and gone. I don't have ideas, and I feel like my brain is broken.
I remember in my graphic design class, I would design a piece and I could just tell that this element went there, and this color fit there.
I miss that, and I don't know where it is.

I realize I am complaining.
I'm sorry.
I've discovered that pregnancy has made me more of a whiner than usual, and if you know me at all, you know that is the exact opposite reaction that I was hoping for.

Pray for this poor, uncreative, pregnant lady.

She is sick, and ravenously hungry, and doesn't sleep well at night, and she could use some extra grace.

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birthday

In an effort to redeem myself from my earlier ranting, I'm going to post something on here that I think is extremely important, and I am super excited to be a part of.

For my 22nd birthday, I'm doing something a little different.
Rather than making a wishlist of all the things I want, I'm asking friends, family, and random (but kind) strangers to make a donation of $22 in order to help bring clean drinking water to people across the world who don't have access to it.

Go to www.mycharitywater.org/camarinadoo and find out more about it, and why it's such a burden on my heart.

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A rant

The following is not meant to offend, but rather to inform:

In the UK, you cannot get a bank account without verification of address. So, you must have a bill or bank statement with your name on it and your current address if you want to open up an account.
However, you cannot get an address without a bank account (so they can do a credit check), a paycheck being put into that bank account, and a whole bunch of other fees that equal about half of your savings.
You cannot get a job without an address, which you cannot get without a bank account, which you cannot get without an address.
You cannot get a cell phone (pardon me, a mobile phone) without a UK address in which you have lived for the last three years, a bank account with enough money coming into it, and a passable credit check.
And you cannot get any one of these things without the other, which begs the question, how does anyone in their right mind manage to live here?

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i don't quite know

where to start, exactly.

How about some pictures of my most recent adventure?

This weekend, we stayed at my sister-in-law's house. She lives on the outskirts of London, so on Friday, we took the National Rail (sort of like the Metra, for you city people) in to London Victoria (the main train station in London) and then took the tube to Notting Hill and Portobello Road.

If you've seen the movie 'Notting Hill' you probably know what I'm talking about.

If not, it's one of the biggest and most popular outdoor markets in London.
Every Friday and Saturday, vendors come and set up tables with all of their items to sell.

(Kirra, you would have died. It was antique heaven.)

Anyway, it was raining (of course) and we were hungry, so we ducked into a cute little pub for some lunch.

This is the "Salon" where we ate. So very English, and very cozy. We loved it.

You pick a table, and then order your food at the bar and give them your table number. That way, they'll bring your food out to you when it's ready.
We were table 3.

This is me and Jessica, my sister-in law.
Love it.
We get along really well, which is great, and she and her husband have been so gracious to let us come and spend weekends with them in their lovely house.

My cutie husband.
He is so happy to be back in the motherland.

Our first major stop was this man selling all sorts of incredible old books.
This is a catholic prayer book, I think.

Here we have some Oliver Twist, and some Sherlock Holmes.
I could have spent some major money here, except that he wanted nearly 75 pounds for each book, which comes out to about $115.
No thanks.

It was about this point that he started yelling at me for taking pictures, and I put my camera away for the rest of the trip.
There was so much more I wanted to shoot, but I didn't feel like offending any more Brits.

We also went to Covent Gardens, and this amazing candy shop where I bought "chocolate fudge" that was really more like a big tootsie roll.
A little disappointing, but that's alright.
It's the experiences that count.

I love this chair, which is in the living room of Jessica's house, and where I am currently crafting this post.
Plus, there was nice lighting.

And this is what the weather looks like outside...and, let's be honest, what it's looked like for the past two weeks.

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I've got Coldplay in the background, and I am literally choking on the emotion and memories that it's carrying with it. Add to that the fact that I am pregnant and homesick, and it's almost a wonder that tears aren't falling down my cheeks yet.

I miss home.

And the most awful part?
I don't even know where home is anymore.

You can blather on about how home is the people around you, and home is where the heart is, and home is where you lay your head at night, but I don't think any of these are right.
Because if this were the case, my home would be about three different places and none of them feel right.

And I guess that's what I'm waiting for, and it's what I've been waiting for.
A place that feels like home, and can feel like home, and that will feel like home.

I know that God never promised that all of this would be easy.
In fact, I don't think that's what I'm asking for.
I think I'm simply asking for the reassurance that one day, I will have my place.
Someday, I will look around me and think, "Yes. Here we are. We're home."

Until then, I'll be here.
Posting pictures of the story of a girl who is trying to find her place in the world, and boy who is sticking beside her the whole way through.

Love, love.
-C

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arrival.

Well, we made it.
More to come later, but at least this is some proof that we're actually here.

Love, love.

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these days

Currently missing:

Po kitty.
I know he's happy with grandpa and grandma back in my hometown, but I still miss snuggling with him.
Boo.

Four days.
Wowwwweeeee.
Cannot believe it.

I know that I have been fairly awful at posting regularly, but definitely watch this space.
One of my goals is to start this up more regularly, especially as we start this brand new beginning in our life.
Yay!

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mishmash

Just a few quick things:

I love romance.
And my husband is good at it...I just thought I'd brag. : )





I had the most delicious breakfast the other morning.
Plus, it looked pretty, so I have finally taken a food picture and posted it to my blog.
Does that make me a "real" blogger now?

Our 50mm lens came, and I loved it, but it didn't autofocus 'cause apparently, my camera body is lacking an autofocus motor.
So, we sold said 50mm on eBay, and bought a 35mm (which actually turns out to be a 50mm with my camera. Complicated camera lingo, trust me) which is supposed to get here tomorrow.
I can't wait.
The little taste I had with the 50mm was enough to get me obsessed with my new lens.
Love it soooo much already, and I cannot WAIT to see all the new pictures I'm going to be taking with it!

Finally got to go to Sprinkles with my dear friend Kirra Sue, who, even though we have only met in person twice, I feel like we have been old friends for a long, long time.
She also brought along Livie, one of the cutest babies out there.
No, seriously.
I could not stop "awwwww"ing over her.
Plus, she was kind enough to let me take pictures of them with my new lens, so that got her even more brownie points in my book.
Love you girl.
(And you and T are REQUIRED to come visit in England. I'll take you to Jane Austen places, I promise!)

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There is so much more going on, but I am at the library, where I am supposed to be working, but am taking advantage of the solid internet connection to update everything.

For now, let me just say that I am in "git 'er done" mode, when it comes to moving, and I feel like I will not be at peace until my apartment is empty and our suitcases are packed.
We're heading back to my home for a week or so, to say goodbye to everyone, which will be good but also terribly sad.

Pray for us, if you think about it.

Stress abounds, and we're doing our best to stay calm and united in the midst of it, but sometimes crankiness wins and I can't help snapping at my poor husband. He's been so understanding, but an extra measure of the Lord's patience would be wonderfully helpful.

'Til then...
-Cami

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here's the thing...

With my recent acknowledgment of stress and terror, I seem to have brought a whole host of other things flying down onto my back.

Instead of a monkey, I'm carrying a 300 pound gorilla with fingers of steel.

It all seems soooo real now...
*We purchased one-way plane tickets.
*My UK Settlement Visa arrived, stating that I am free to come and reside in their country.
*We've started packing (or rather, throwing away and giving things to thrift stores).
*We're about to go and start the round of family visits I have to make before we move.

And, see, I know that there are so many people out there who would take this opportunity and run with it. And it's not that I'm not grateful or excited, or even afraid that this is not where God wants us.

But holy crap.

This is permanent for the foreseeable future and I have no way of knowing how it's going to turn out. And I really hate that.

I seem to have this issue where I need to know what's happening so that I know how to deal with it. It doesn't matter if I can directly contribute anything to resolving the situation or not, I simply need the knowledge in my brain so that I don't go crazy with the possibilities and unknowns. I don't like not-knowing.

This situation is one in which I know that I am not happy in Chicago. Please note that I didn't say that there haven't been times of happiness, cause I've had so many good things happen to me here.
But I don't have a deep-seated sense of fulfillment in knowing that this is where God has placed us.

However, I am complacent here.
I am familiar. I have an apartment and a cat, and I know where the grocery store, coffee shops, transportation system, hospital, and other things are located. I made this place my home because I had too.

Now I am faced with leaving complacency, and trading it for an unknown.
This is an incredibly tough decision, even though it sounds easy. (Who wouldn't hop on a plane and fly to Europe at the first chance they got?)

Right now I am faced with confronting the two things that are the most difficult for me, and that ones that I just really hate: do I stay muddled in complacency, or do I trade that for an unknown with no promised outcome?

Obviously, the choice has already been made, but that doesn't mean I'm ready for it.

However, God has recently impressed upon my mind that I cannot choose to follow Him when I feel like it. If I am in it, I must be in it always, at every moment of every day.
In every awful and ugly situation I find myself in, do I trust that God sees and cares and understands? Do I trust that He has endowed me with the knowledge and capabilities I need in order to make the best decisions that will bring the most glory to Him?
That's a difficult one, because it means believing in myself, and believing that I am worth enough to Him that He will allow me to do what I want and still take care of me in the process.

This is long, and messy, and I know it's not a sample of my greatest writing abilities.
But it's where I'm at, and it's where I'm headed, and that's really all I've got right now.

My tunnel of knowledge is coming to an end, and I have no idea what I'm going to find outside of it.

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woosh.

45 days.

I am terrified.

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